Free download, written with clinicians, SENCOs, advocates and parents

Your child's meltdowns don't mean you're failing as a parent. Here's what's actually happening, and what helps.

A free handbook on autism and ADHD meltdowns, emotional dysregulation, EBSA and the SEND system, built from interviews with clinical psychologists, SENCOs, advocates and parents who've lived every part of it.

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1.7M+

pupils in England have SEN

89%

of parents say support is inadequate

94%

feel overwhelmed accessing help

3 in 4

parents have cut work hours

Sources: DfE 2024–25 · TTS/Nasen 2025 · Sky News / Support SEND Kids 2024

If any of this sounds like it's
coming from your home

Meltdowns that seem to come from nowhere

Hitting, shouting or lashing out at you specifically

Won't go to school, or can't get out of the car

Fine at school, falls apart the moment they're home

Every simple request turns into a standoff

Fine at school, falls apart the moment they're home

If your child's meltdowns feel bigger than anyone else's, you're not imagining it. Maybe it's autism meltdowns that seem to come from nowhere, or ADHD outbursts that flip from calm to explosive in seconds.

If you've ever searched why does my autistic child hit me or why won't my ADHD child listen at midnight, this was written for you.

pages, built from interviews

with clinical psychologists, educational psychologists, SENCOs and parents. Covers emotional dysregulation, school refusal (EBSA), pathological demand avoidance, and how to work with your SENCO.

42

Eight parts, written for the parent still standing in the hallway

  1. Understanding your child, why behaviour is communication
  2. The state of SEND support right now
  3. Early intervention: scripts and phrases that open doors
  4. The SEND reform, explained plainly
  1. Navigating the system: SENCOs, EPs, CAMHS, EHCPs, EBSA
  2. What good actually looks like
  3. You are the expert on your child
  4. Where to go from here: contacts and next steps

"You should not have to become an expert to get your child the support they need. But until the system changes, you do. So let's make sure you have everything you need to do it."

Ben Cosh - Founder, Sylva

Whats inside

  • "Your child is not broken, and neither are you. Many of the challenges neurodivergent children face come from a mismatch between the person and their environment."

    Rachel Winder — autistic-ADHD consultant and author

  • "Behaviour is an external presentation of what's happening internally. There are lucky behaviours and unlucky behaviours. The unlucky ones might be hitting and shouting and being quite explosive. The lucky ones might be that you go a bit quieter or cry a little bit. But the reality is that they're both the same. They're both communicating that something is a struggle."

    Michelle Bull — parent-coach and late-diagnosed parent

  • "A label in itself doesn't change a child's day-to-day experiences or needs. Where early intervention really does make a difference is in putting the right support in place as soon as difficulties are noticed, without needing to wait for a formal label."

    Dr Kavita Solder — Senior Educational Psychologist

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The SEND Handbook for Parents

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In Partnership

Created in partnership
with Sylva

This handbook was created with insights from independent clinicians, parents, coaches and advocates who have generously shared their expertise and lived experiences.

You shouldn’t have to become an expert to get support for your child

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